


Home

by lonelymisfit



Series: A love story through songs [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Admitting Feeling, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Figuring out stuff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, I'm using 1D's songs to tell a story, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-22
Updated: 2017-08-22
Packaged: 2018-12-18 16:31:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11878425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelymisfit/pseuds/lonelymisfit
Summary: The moment Louis realises he's in love with Harry.Or the inspiration behind "Home"





	Home

**Author's Note:**

> Hello,  
> Just a little something I've been working on that I thought I couldn't keep to myself and just had to share with you lovely people. Hope you enjoy :) xoxo

The room is dark, the music thumping against the walls sending a slight shiver up Louis’ spine as he looks out on the dancefloor to see Harry trying to chat up some bird in a tight dress.

Things used to be different in the past like for instance instead of sulking here in the corner on a sofa he’d be on the same dancefloor as Harry, they’d be dancing and Harry would hold onto his waist maybe smile and try not to step on his or Louis’ feet. Louis would play wingman and try to help Harry well more like embarrass him when he’s trying to pick up women and it was enough. Now he’s just sitting here feeling odd watching Harry smile that way and touch the stranger that way and Louis doesn’t exactly know what’s going on but he doesn’t plan on finding out either.

Tonight was one of the few nights they had a break from performing and he was going to make the most of it. Thankfully Eleanor is with him this time so he doesn’t hesitate to pull her onto the dancefloor. She happily complies tucking her face in the crook of his neck and it’s nice. This is nice except Louis cannot help but let his eyes trail to where Harry is in the crowd still talking to the blonde girl and looking like he’s actually enjoying it.

Eleanor tugs him by the neck pressing her body to his even closer, he can feel her everywhere, grinding and touching. Louis closes his eyes trying to make himself believe he’s actually enjoying this. Before he knows it images of Harry flashes through his mind, how Harry would hold him in his big bulky arms and how Harry would probably whisper in his ears while trying to dance in a noisy environment because that’s just how Harry is, he’s always trying to make you laugh and Louis knows it doesn’t take much for him to do that. Harry can just make a noise and he’d smile, which is weird yet it isn’t.

The song is over and Louis is hot and sweaty, Eleanor releases him and gestures that’s she’ll be back. He’s still standing there in the middle of the dancefloor with one thought in his head. Eleanor is a nice girl right? She likes the same things he likes, she puts up when he chooses to spend all day playing FIFA with Niall than with her, she picks up that chocolate cereal in the grocery when Louis asks her to, she’s obviously beautiful and smart, she knows how to keep conversation and she makes Louis laugh – which is a great accomplishment in itself- so why was he feeling like something was missing? Like there was something he’s totally blind – sided by and he just cannot put a finger on what exactly it was.

He must look dumb standing there by himself but as he makes to walk off he feels a warm touch on his shoulders and he doesn’t have to turn to know it is Harry. His smell is intoxicating and when Louis does turn he’s staring right back at him, smiling. Louis allows himself this minute, forgetting the music, forgetting everything just to smile and actually feel light inside, feel like he really meant it.

The moment is broken when Harry speaks though, pulling the girl in his arms closer.

“Ready to go Lou?”

Something inside Louis breaks and it shouldn’t affect him this much that Harry is bringing someone home yet his smile disappears and he gives a short nod.

The ride back to their place was awkward to say the least. Eleanor hasn’t released his arm since she got in the van which is now numb to his side and the girl next to Harry hasn’t stop whispering in his ear even though Louis heard everything she said.

Harry keeps frowning and mouthing “are you okay?” to Louis but he just nods and wishes he was drunk right now so he doesn’t have to remember any of this.

They step out, Louis trailing behind so he can light up a cigarette and stay outside a little longer. Eleanor doesn’t bother to wait and Harry has long taken his friend inside leaving him in the chilly night alone.

He sits at the curb letting out puffs from either the cigarette or just from the coldness of the atmosphere but he sits there playing back what exactly happened tonight.

It was Harry’s idea to go out and he was so excited when Louis agreed. He kept talking on and on about what they’d tell the DJ to play and how much he wanted Louis to taste this drink he made the bartender mix the last time he was there. Louis had smiled thinking of course it would be fun, it’s just him and Harry – the dream team – the dynamic duo- except Eleanor overheard and she made it a trio event.

He stumps out his cigarette and forces himself to get off the ground. The air is numbing but he thinks it’s a feeling he can relate to.

When he steps inside the house Eleanor is on the couch with the television on and Harry’s room is closed. Louis swallows feeling it burn for some reason, his palms start to shake and he tries to breathe but he feels like he’s suffocating.

“Grab me a water please” Eleanor calls just as he hears the click of a door opening, the squeak he’s told Harry so many times to fix, and the blonde girl walks out coming to stand in the living room completely lost.

“Hey can I use your phone? My battery died” She tells Louis as he goes over to the fridge to get the water.

“Is everything okay?” He asks casually taking deep breaths inside the fridge before he turns to look at the girl now standing over the kitchen counter.

“Yeah just Harvey fell asleep and I have to call a taxi to get home” Louis wants to laugh but Eleanor beats him to it, howling loud from the couch.

“I’m sorry did you just call him Harvey?” Eleanor is now at the counter regarding the girl who is self- consciously fixing the hem of her very short leopard print dress.

In the light she’s not even all that pretty, she definitely doesn’t deserve to have Harry’s attention, but he couldn’t even focus on that, rather on how funny it is that Harry actually fell asleep.

“That’s not his name?” She says it but doesn’t act like she cares just looks at Louis prompting him to hand her the phone.

“No” Eleanor takes the bottle of water from Louis and takes a sip. “I’ll handle this Lou go check on” she snickers “Harvey” and fucking no. He will not be the one to go check on Harry but he doesn’t want to be the one to stay with this chick and Eleanor right now so he makes a vague noise leaving the kitchen.

Harry is face down in his bed, his mouth parted and he’s snoring which means he’s heavily sleeping and let’s not leave out the part that’s he’s bare from the waist up.

Harry used to have the cutest chub around his hips, Louis used to pinch him there all the time knowing Harry would giggle and pout and poke at him to stop, it’s still there though but Louis hasn’t touched that spot since he was eighteen.

He doesn’t know when things between him and Harry changed it just sort of happened gradually, they grew up, Harry focused a lot of his time on the music and Louis met Eleanor. And now that he’s standing in this room – Harry’s room, and looking around it’s so bizarre since this is the same room so many things happened between them.

Louis remembers the first time they moved in together and he refused to sleep in his own bed because the house was too big, he had crawled into Harry’s bed that night and even though he expected Harry to kick him out all the boy did was curl into himself and allowed Louis to hold him on while they slept.

He remembers that time he invited all his friends from home to come to his new house and Harry had disappeared for most of the night and when Louis came into his room he was crying. Louis remembers not asking what it was about just holding Harry in his arms until he stopped. No one from that party missed either of them and that’s considering they were the hosts of said party.

The time when Harry bought that really expensive antique vase from some store he dragged Louis at and he was so proud to have it in the house. How Louis was being reckless with Niall that day and accidentally knocked it over.

He knew Harry would feel bad so he went back to the same store and bought another more expensive vase before he could even break the news to Harry. He remembers when he did how Harry had started crying and Louis felt horrible but Harry just smiled through his tears and told him that it was actually the sweetest thing that he even went back to get a better vase than the first. Louis was confused but that’s Harry, that’s the boy he’s always known.

He smiles taking in Harry’s sleeping figure, the moonlight is casting a soft glow on his half turned face, making everything inside Louis come alive. Harry was beyond beautiful. Not just the beautiful with the most gorgeous emerald eyes that shine whenever he looks at Louis and not just the sweetest dimples that accompany his cherry stained red lips, it’s more like the beautiful when waking up and knowing he’s the only thing on your mind and it’s like having bad days and knowing it’s going to get better because he was always there and it’s like watching the moonlight and seeing his face.

Louis is instantly hit with a crushing feeling in his chest, his heart beat is loud and he’s still staring at Harry frowning from the extra light hitting on his face.

The words are echoing in his head and he tries to ignore them, his eyes are welling up with tears and he cannot find it in himself to calm down or even remember how to breathe properly.

Harry shifts on his back now and Louis sees it, right there on his left wrist is the wedding tag that was given to every guest at his mother’s wedding. They honestly just did it for safety reasons, just so they can identify the guests from the fans that were trying to sneak in, but that’s not even what’s startling about Harry wearing the band. What is however, is that his mum got married almost three months ago yet Harry still has the band on his wrist.

Louis inhales when Harry shifts again making throaty noises and frowning. Louis wants to cry, he doesn’t understand any of this, why would Harry still have that band?

“Lou” It makes Louis gasp because Harry is awake but when he watches, the boy is still sleeping, his frown heavier and he’s twisting about in the bed.

Louis is immediately by his side because he knows what this means. Harry used to have night terrors often when they were back on the X-factor, he would wake up disoriented and it would sometimes hinder when they had to rehearse the next day for their upcoming performances. Harry would get anxious and it ran into him not even wanting to go to sleep since he thought it was the best way to get rid of it- by not falling asleep. It’s why Louis would stay in Harry’s bed more often than his own. The night terrors came lesser and Harry got sleep. Louis didn’t think he was still having them until now.

He doesn’t hesitate to go over to the side of the bed, sitting and immediately shoving his hands through Harry’s hair, he’s sweating and breathing ragged, he trembling and Louis tries to assure him even in his sleep that he was alright.

“Lou” it’s broken this time, his voice cracking and it breaking something in Louis, his tears already falling from his face.

“It’s okay Haz I’m right here” Harry makes a whimpering noise before turning and putting his head in Louis’ lap. He’s nuzzling his head so it’s against Louis’ stomach, the other half of him curling in on Louis’ back. His entire body relaxes as Louis continues to stroke his hair soothingly.

It’s quiet for some time, Louis tries to not think about how his and Harry’s breathing matches, he can hear his heart pounding against his chest and he can feel Harry in every crease and crevice in his body.

“Got rid of what could have potentially been tragic for Harry” Eleanor startles him announcing her presence in the room. She doesn’t seem surprised to see Harry in Louis’ lap but it did knock the smile right off her face.

“Is he okay?” she says instead but doesn’t move from the doorway.

“He’s…” Louis coughs feeling his voice caught in his throat “he was having one again. I didn’t know he still had them” He knows he sounds like he’s ashamed for not being able to tell and also a bit angry because Harry never mentioned it but Eleanor blinks and looks confused because of course she doesn’t know about the nightmares. No one knows except him.

“Right well I’m going to bed. You coming?” He closes his eyes shaking his head.

“You go ahead I’ll be there in a bit” She huffs but do as she’s told, leaving the room. Louis wasn’t going anywhere. He pushes Harry a bit so there is space for him to lie down. He places his head on the pillow pulling Harry closer to his chest.

The silence isn’t suffocating anymore more like set in comfort and Louis felt at ease again with Harry’s steady breathing and warm puffs on his chest.

“Thank you” the voice is small and quiet but it still pings something inside Louis. He didn’t even think Harry was awake. The boy shifts so he’s looking at Louis, his eyes glistening even as the moon shifts it’s spotlight now to the other side of the room. “for staying” he finishes locking eyes with Louis, he’s smiling now, nose redden from the harsh cold night and hair a mess sweeping across his forehead still so delicately, Louis’ hand itches to his side wanting to move the strands and place a kiss just to warm the skin on Harry’s forehead or to put the colour back in his cheeks. He knows he can’t, even if he wanted to that didn’t mean Harry also wanted it.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Louis says instead feeling the rush of emotion swell in his chest, he tries to blink away the hurt of Harry not trusting him anymore and closes his eyes.

“I didn’t think you wanted to know” And it’s that response that hurts Louis more than it should. What did he ever do to make Harry think this way? Harry is his best friend, he never had a connection with another person the way he has with Harry, no other person knows him the most – and the _real_ him- like Harry does and for him to say something like that makes Louis feel like he’s just been the shittiest friend to exist.

Harry says nothing and Louis doesn’t have to open his eyes to see what he was doing. He’s pouting he’s sure and he’s making the crease between his eyebrows sink unbelievably deep.

Louis knows if he says anything else this conversation will turn into something a lot deeper than intended and he isn’t ready to go to that place right now. He doesn’t want to think where that would end them, Louis swallows and tries to change the subject.

“Did you have fun tonight?” And it’s definitely the wrong question to ask but Louis would do anything just so Harry can talk to him right now, make him feel like when they were kids, staying up late and having Harry narrate the entire show they were watching or laughing and having popcorn fights, picking out the kernels from Harry’s hair when he misses his mouth. He wants to feel like that again, feel like nothing could come between them, not even the hallow space he feels in the atmosphere right now even though they’re lying right next to each other.

He feels Harry shift next to him and the cold takes over the space he leaves sitting up to look at Louis still lying on the bed.

“What do you think?” At the question his eyes shoots open watching Harry with a pained expression on his face, he turns when Louis looks at him focusing his vision out the window, the moonlight once again dancing over his good side. (I just had to soz) And Louis just thinks how stunningly breath- taking he is, even like this.

The same three words swimming around in his head as he continues to stare at Harry’s side profile feeling his stomach drop every time he goes to open his mouth.

He knows he can’t say it, it would be a selfish thing to do considering everything, he hasn’t been in a room with Harry alone since well he can’t even remember when, Harry is half drunk and Louis is too sober which only makes this feeling ten times more real.

But he has to, he needs to because every time he repeats the words in his head something allows him to smile so much so that the tears in his eyes fall and the numb feeling in his heart melts, it makes his lips tremble and a cold spike to run up his spine, it’s suffocating yet it feels like freedom, like saying those words would make him a hundred times lighter.

“Was she…” he swallows trying again “was she not nice?” He keeps asking these questions knowing what it does to him the minute it leaves his mouth, he thinks he sees Harry flinch but it can almost be his imagination. Harry is looking at the moon through the thin sheer curtain drapes and Louis wants to reach out and touch, he just wants to feel Harry go pliant and maybe stroke the soft skin under his worn out eyes, to run his thumbs on those lips imagining what it would feel like against his, he’s not afraid to think these things now, and he’s tired is the thing, he’s tired of always wondering what if and he’s tired of just thinking and never knowing.

Harry sighs passing his hands over his face, he’s fully awake now, aware of his surroundings, of every touch and every sound, Louis thinks maybe he’s going to get off the bed or maybe he should move and give Harry the space but he’s planted in that spot helpless to the sight of Harry. He doesn’t move to get up but he turns to finally look Louis in the eyes, and his bright green eyes shine with tears, his cheeks soaked and his lips part making the vaguest of sounds and Louis breaks for the umpteen time tonight.

“Do you have any idea?” he seems enraged tugging at the strands of his hair focusing his gaze back on the drapes and the moonlight. Louis swallows and it’s a now or never kind of feeling, _Tell him,_ the voice screams in his head. _You’re a coward_ the voice says and it’s not about being afraid of saying it, it’s about saying it and having it open in the air, there is no going back once the words are said, it cannot be unheard and it cannot be erased. Maybe he is a coward but it’s a rejection he knows he would not be able to handle.

Still, Harry is looking at him expectantly, almost like he’s waiting for something, Louis can see it in his eyes, the hunger and the plea in his face that Louis wants to believe it means what he wants it to mean. The same look he’s probably wearing right now. It’s like a candle burning but the flame is the only hope in a dark room, that’s how he feels, he is the dark room and Harry is the flame.

Before he can overthink he’s moving towards Harry, his hands grip onto his wrist, the touch intensifying the burning feeling inside his body, the flame has finally touched skin but he doesn’t burn and he thinks maybe this isn’t the worst thing that can happen.

Harry seems surprised by the affection, looking at his wrists in Louis’ delicate hands instead of the burning stare in his blue eyes.

“I wish you would just talk to me” And it’s a ridiculous thing to say because they are talking right now but the way his tone changes and his voice breaks Harry knows what he means. They haven’t spoken in so long, Louis was always with _her_ and Harry was always making excuses just so he didn’t have to deal with any of it. When Louis would ask him if he’s alright he’d nod and try his best to show a smile but inside he was falling apart piece by piece. Of course he’s tried to convince himself, he even tried hating Louis, hating _her,_ she took his best friend away, doing all the things they used to do, loving the things they did but even though Harry tried to convince himself that hating Louis would make this easier it only served as more pining and hope. Hope that one day Louis would love him just as much as he did, that he would do anything just to see him smile, that Louis would look at him like he was the only thing that mattered and Louis would see that this bond they have was never just friendship. He’s even tried for so many years to tell himself that these feelings towards Louis was just an infatuation, that he was just too excited to be put in a band with four other strangers and immediately finding a person who truly gets him. Telling himself that it was all in his head. It was all make pretend.

But they could never be just friends. Harry knew it, deep down, every time he looked at Louis, thinking there is nothing in this world that he wouldn’t give up for this man and he knew it wasn’t just adoration, he wanted to be loved and to be in love.

“She was nice” He finally says still looking at Louis’ thumbs swiping gently across the veins on his hand, the touch sending sparks up his arm that warms Harry on the inside. A craving of always wanting _more_ with Louis. He swallows.

“Harry look at me” He makes no move to pull his hands away still very much holding onto Harry’s wrists but he’s waiting, patiently. Harry has an internal turmoil for a few seconds thinking the moment he looks at Louis he won’t be able to hide it anymore. It would be written all over his face, it will show in his eyes and die on his lips, escape through his breath and Harry is not ready for Louis to watch him with pity or even get up from this bed and go back to _her._ He stalls telling himself rather putting on a mask so he doesn’t fold and cry or show real emotion. For the sake of their friendship.

Louis looks at him releasing one of his wrists placing his hand under Harry’s chin lifting his head so he’s eye level with him. Harry’s expression looks forced, he’s stone cold and his eyebrows are drawn together almost looking painful for him. He’s never seen Harry withdraw his emotions, he’s always so open.

“You told me you wished we talked. You asked me if she was nice. I’m talking and I’m telling you about the girl” Harry is often described as a morbid speaker, he takes his time to pronounce each word, he thinks about what he says before he actually does which results in him taking a bit more time than the average person but the sentence he just said was fast, too fast and rushed that even Louis couldn’t understand him.

“I don’t want to know about the girl” Louis spits and he tries to make that disdain root from being offended that Harry would think he wanted to actually know about a random stranger instead of him and not because he truly detested this girl because she even got an ounce of Harry’s attention, way more than what he’s gotten in two years.

“Then why did you ask me?” He’s frowning and making this a lot harder than Louis would like it. He’s breathing rougher now, his eyes now revealing real emotion more than he tried hiding a few minutes ago.

“I don’t know” He sounds defeated like the only way to move forward from this is to leave. He knows he has to. He lets go of Harry’s wrist entirely dropping his other from his chin. “It’s getting late. I should go to bed” He gets off the bed quietly ignoring the hurt in Harry’s eyes as he tears his gaze away from the boy and stands to leave the room.

He feels nauseous as he starts to walk, he opens his mouth to take a breath in, his lips tremble, he feels light headed, his body jumping from the cold even though the windows are closed. He grips the doorknob pulling open the door, he takes a deep breath and without thinking he turns and already the words are leaving his mouth. Harry says something simultaneously but then it’s just silence, the both of them looking at each other with widen eyes.

“What?” Harry whispers, Louis swallows. Maybe it was best he didn’t hear him the first time.

“You first” Louis tells him still standing by the doorway.

“I said the girl was nice tonight. They always are” Harry replies smoothly, Louis feels every bone in his body break, everything comes crashing down. Of course that’s what he said. Louis is a fool to think otherwise. But _his_ words already left his mouth, Harry might not have heard them but it’s in the air. Louis can feel it, he can hear it echoing in his mind, _I love you, I love you, I love you_ his voice is chanting, almost like a mockery of his stupidity.

“That’s great Haz. You deserve someone who is nice” He drags his feet on the ground, his heart beat protesting, he feels like any minute now it would burst through his chest. He tries to ignore the part where he used that nickname, he hasn’t called Harry than since the X factor. More and more with every word he says, even if it’s not much, the words tell a thousand stories all with the same ending. He is in love with Harry Styles. He loves him. And it’s shitty because it took him this long to realise and maybe he did know he was just too coward to admit it.

“But…” There’s always a “but” never a “and.” Louis cannot look at him anymore even when he can tell Harry feels bad for saying that. Almost like he knows how much it would upset Louis.

“But what Harry?” He’s beginning to become agitated, he’s standing here having to listen to Harry talk about this girl he wants to know nothing about it, yet he does because Harry is his best friend, before any other thing Harry is his best friend and if this girl, this drunk random girl who left when Harry fell asleep, if she’s the girl that he finds nice then Louis has to just agree. It would be selfish to hate someone when all they’ve done is make his best friend happy.

“They’re always nice to me but they’re never you” Louis gasps, the words leaving Harry’s mouth could be a dream, he’s positive that is not what he actually says but Louis still hears it, “ _they’re never you_ ” ringing like a bell against his eardrums, singing a song.

“Now tell me what you just said Lou. Please I need to hear it again” Harry is in front him in seconds reaching out to touch Louis, to hold his hand. This time it burns, Louis flinches and retracts his hand folding it across his chest, clutching his heart.

“I heard it but even if I didn’t I could see it in your eyes” Harry is soft, his voice like a lullaby lolling Louis to peaceful bliss. “Do you really mean it?” He wishes he didn’t say it now. As much as it is out in the open, having reached Harry’s ears it doesn’t subside the drowning feeling inside. Louis doesn’t cry. It’s not that he’s immune to his emotions he just doesn’t cry. He feels sad sure, everyone is sad but he never truly cries. But in that moment he feels the wetness on his cheeks, the closing in of his throat and the blurriness in his eyes. Harry brushes the tears away from his face, rubbing his thumb along Louis’ cheeks making every single hair on his body spike up. Before he knows it Harry’s on him, pressing his forehead against his own, and sniffing trying to control his breathing.

Louis can just tilt his head up and kiss him, he doesn’t need to use words to show Harry how much he loves him but he needs to know.

“I love you” Louis whispers his breath getting lost inside Harry’s parted lips. He closes his eyes and swallows feeling Harry’s breath hitch. “I’m in love with you” Harry starts full on crying clutching the sides of Louis’ face. And then…Harry kisses him. Soft lips against his, just there like waiting for an invitation. He can feel the smile on Harry’s lips. Louis kisses back, soft pecks over and over because he cannot believe this is happening. Harry is not storming out of the room, and he’s not angry or disappointed. He’s kissing him taking his time wondering if he could freeze this moment rather than savour it. It seems too good to be true but when he opens his eyes Harry is still there touching his lips and smiling, dimples out.

“I love you too Louis. I’ve always loved you. I think the first time we met I was in love with you” He blushes casting his head down away from Louis’ gaze. He’s feeling a lot braver now because Harry feels the same. Louis kisses him again, this time with just enough force to breach Harry’s mouth, he sighs contented inviting Louis in. He always imagined Harry would taste sweet but no amount of fantasies could ever live up to the real thing.


End file.
